yoga

Thoughts on Yoga Hosers

Have you ever seen a movie so bad that you had to tell everyone about it? For me, that would be Yoga Hosers – the 2016 “attempt” at making a teen action comedy by Kevin Smith. Over the holiday break, I watched this movie for the first time. It must have been VERY late at night, because the only thing I remember about it was that it was terrible. Yoga Hosers is the textbook definition of nepotism, as Smith cast his daughter, Harley Quinn Smith, and her best friend, Lily Rose Depp, as the two leads. This movie is like driving past a car crash because you just can’t look away.

  1. Do you think Kevin Smith wrote all of the songs in this movie?
  2. I don’t think that many people would want to come to a mini-mart within a span of ten minutes.
  3. When will Austin Butler stop being cast as a teenager?
  4. These people’s Canadian accents are almost worse than their acting.
  5. Why would anyone trust a guy named Yogi to teach you yoga?
  6. Don’t you hate it when you have to pause a movie just to read the title cards?
  7. Where did the idea for this movie even come from? Smith says the idea for Tusk and Yoga Hosers came to him during a podcast. I think he has a deep-seeded hatred for Canada.
  8. Harley Quinn and Lily Rose aren’t too bad singers, but they keep making awkward eye contact with the camera.
  9. Wiener dogs aren’t evil.
  10. Movies like this give millennials a bad name.
  11. Much like Yogi Bear, I don’t think Kevin Smith understands how copyrights work.
  12. Ladies and gentlemen, this is why you always bring a weapon.
  13. These special effects are borderline Syfy Channel level of bad.
  14. STAN LEE CAMEO
  15. When one of your villains is a foot tall Nazi sausage, I expect to have more sausage jokes.
  16. Yoga isn’t going to help you here.
  17. Why is the Bratzi’s insides bright orange?
  18. As an American, I have no clue how the Canadian justice system works. This is a complete guess, but I don’t think that they have suspects share the same police interrogation room.
  19. If I had a secret lab, I probably would put it in the bathroom too.
  20. This guy’s accents are very bad – like an annoying theater kid trying to do a British accent level of bad.
  21. After reading some reviews, I’m surprised that no one brought up how Yoga Hosers blatantly ripped off countless other movies.

 

In many ways, this was just a remake of Smith’s cult classic film Clerks. The only difference was that this time, it was teenage girls in Canada with Nazis. One thing I truly liked about the film was the graphics, but that was about it. Like with most Kevin Smith films, it seemed like the film was just one big inside joke that no one understood. I get that artists should take risks, but most of Smith’s career has been a risk that has had no payoff.

As I start to enter adulthood, I’m starting to realize that these kinds of movies aren’t designed for me. This was made for pre-teen girls, and I know that I probably would have loved it seven years ago. That doesn’t give it a pass though, because the plot was still trash. Leads Harley Quinn Smith and Lily Rose Depp weren’t terrible in their roles and had chemistry, but their acting still felt kind of stiff in front of the camera. Kevin Smith has both directing and writing talent, but he needs to start making content that isn’t just for his small fan base. I think Smith needs to work on projects that he doesn’t have full control on. When someone has too much power, things always fall apart. Currently, Smith has been killing it on the CW. He directed my favorite episode of The Flash, “The Runaway Dinosaur”. Smith is currently working on the final film in the True North Trilogy, with the kind-of-sequel to Tusk and Yoga Hoser called Moose Jaws.

jedi

What does “The Last Jedi” Mean?

On Monday, January 23rd, Disney and Lucasfilm announced that Star Wars: Episode VIII would be called The Last Jedi. Since last December when The Force Awakens was released, fans have been theorizing what the next installment would look like. I believe this title gives a lot more than expected.

Starting off, we currently know that there’s four confirmed living force sensitive people in the Galaxy: Rey, Kylo Ren (Ben Solo), Supreme Leader Snoke, and Luke Skywalker. Both Kylo and Snoke work for the First Order and would be considered Sith, not Jedi. That leaves us with Luke and Rey. I honestly don’t think this title is talking about Rey because Episode VII’s title, The Force Awakens, referred to her finding the force. It doesn’t make sense to have two movies back to back referencing Rey in the title.

Luke is the last Jedi to be trained by the last “true” Jedi Master, Yoda. Episode VIII is supposed to start where VII ended, and Rey is nowhere close to becoming a Jedi. The ghost voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi even tells Rey when she picks up Luke’s original lightsaber that “these are your first steps.” I have no doubt that by the end of this trilogy Rey will have become a full Jedi, but as of now she is just Luke’s new apprentice. Plus, in the opening crawl of The Force Awakens, it even refers to Luke as “The Last Jedi.”

“Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed.”

– The Force Awakens Opening Crawl

From an official statement from Disney & Lucasfilm, it was said that The Last Jedi will be the next chapter in the Skywalker Saga. This had me thinking that Rey might turn out to be Luke’s daughter, but I think if they went that route it would be a letdown.

The new red logo also tells us a lot about the movie. Red signifies danger, and in the Star Wars franchise it is the color for the Sith. Maybe we will get some flashbacks of the two training before Kylo went full emo. This color was used in both Return of the Jedi and Revenge of the Sith. Both of these films were the darkest of their trilogies and both featured major deaths.

The question is… who is going to die? My theory is Luke. This will pass the torch on to Rey, and then she will become “The Last Jedi.” I feel like his death will be in the last scene of the film, and it will be the “Luke, I am your father” moment that we got in Empire. At the same time, I don’t think they will kill anyone because they just killed off Han.

Now that we have the title, I would expect to have a teaser trailer within the next two months. You never know… they might even drop it next week during the Super Bowl.

flash

22 Thoughts I Had While Watching The Flash: The Present

My name is Gracie Tolley, and I am the laziest woman alive. It’s because I avoid all responsibilities during the week in order to watch the CW’s DC shows. If I had to rank them, The Flash and Legends would be tied for first due to them always testing out new waters and how they feature characters that are just as complex as their storylines. Though I still watch Arrow, I really haven’t enjoyed it since season three. In my opinion, the show takes itself too seriously and has entered a pit of despair that they can’t return from. On the other hand, Supergirl is too cheery and optimistic at times, but at least it’s fun. In honor of The Flash’s midseason finale, I thought I would give my thoughts on season 3 episode 7: The Present.

  1. Ever since we first met Julian, I could’ve told you he was going to be the villain.
  2. I honestly love holiday episodes. Christmas always brings out the best in characters.
  3. The Philosopher’s Stone? Don’t you mean the Sorcerer’s Stone?
  4. The Flash’s set designers/decorators deserve a raise; they are phenomenal.
  5. Meanwhile on Earth Three.. Luke Skywalker robs a bank.
  6. How does that hat stay on his head? It doesn’t have a chinstrap or anything.
  7. I know Earth Three is super old-timey, but why use a Tommy gun?
  8. The fact that they can get Mark Hamill on the show deserves a round of applause.  
  9. Savitar looks like a poor man’s transformer meets Sauron.
  10. H.R.’s hat is distracting me right now.
  11. Alchemy seems like he thoroughly enjoys steampunk.
  12. That battle between Savitar and Jay looks like garbage. This is the holiday season though so all is forgiven.
  13. JUST LET WALLY BE KID FLASH ALREADY!!
  14. Barry really isn’t good at this whole secret identity thing.
  15. Cisco, you know this is a trap. Really? You’re that dumb?
  16. Maybe he knows all of you because you guys never shut up and tell everyone your secrets.
  17. What’s up with the drumsticks?
  18. Just throw the box in a volcano.
  19. If this ends up like Young Justice season 2, I’m done.
  20. Like Barry isn’t just going to time travel the shit out of this to save Iris.
  21. PLEASE BE A SUIT! PLEASE BE A SUIT!
  22. Life is whole again.

The Present was another great episode from team Flash. This midseason finale set up the second half of the season. Expect to see a lot of Barry worrying about the future and the team fussing over Wally being Kid Flash. By the time I post this tonight, I will have already seen today’s episode of Arrow (What We Leave Behind). For my opinion on that, check me out on twitter @GToIIey.

nightmare-blgo

14 thoughts I had while watching The Nightmare before Christmas for the first time

There is only two things I’m certain of about the emo community: their love and compassion towards Hot Topic’s semi-annual sale and Jack Skellington. In preparation for Halloween, I thought I should watch The Nightmare before Christmas for the first time.

  1. Jack might be the pumpkin king, but we all know Tim Burton is the emo king.
  2. Maybe it’s just me, but every stop motion movie I’ve ever watched has creeped me out.
  3. Insert unnecessary music number.
  4. I’m totally lost.
  5. Is this a musical? **Googles** This is going to be a long hour and a half.
  6. Jack is a glorified party planner.
  7. Currently at the 16-minute mark, and I still don’t know what the plot is.
  8. You’ve got a whole year before Halloween rolls around again – chill out, bro.
  9. I know how to explain Christmas to everybody. Another song!
  10. Why do they need to kidnap Santa?
  11. Jack is kind of a dick.
  12. Don’t worry, he’s not dead. He’s the main character.
  13. Is this a Christmas or Halloween movie?
  14. Why is everyone white in Tim Burton movies?

Sorry this week’s post was so short.. Nightmare wasn’t really my cup of tea, although I do respect the time and effort Tim Burton and his team took to make it. Where it lost me was in its plot or even the lack of plot itself. Also, I’m not a huge fan of musicals. (Especially ones that don’t feature Meryl Streep.) Don’t worry, I will make it up to you next week!

escape

36 thoughts I had while watching Escape from L.A. for the first time

As I go back into the hustle and bustle of the school year, I’m going to try to not procrastinate on my posts for my editor’s and my own sake. I really enjoyed doing my June story, 35 thoughts I had while watching the Princess Bride for the first time, and so I’m here to do it again with Escape from L.A. It’s a lot more fun than some other post, and I actually might try to do this once a month.

  1. John Carpenter directed this? This is going to be messed up. Let’s hope in a good way.
  2. Narration by Jamie Lee Curtis.
  3. Is this presidential candidate named Al Gore?
  4. Who would want to be president for the rest of their life?
  5. Did Batman: Arkham City steal this plot?
  6. If the CGI was any worse, this would be a Syfy channel original movie.
  7. That’s kind of a small wall for a maximum security prison.
  8. Why would he water his plants during a time like this?
  9. Who names their kid Snake?
  10. Electric chair or L.A.? I would pick the chair.
  11. Kurt Russell used to be a babe.
  12. How does a 20-something-year-old hijack Air Force One?
  13. Damn millennial and their video games..
  14. Wow! So many movies nowadays have ripped this off. Or did this rip off other movies that came out before it?
  15. The CGI is bad. Batman and Robin is better. It still triumphs over Spy Kids though.
  16. When you have worse effects than Sharkboy and Lavagirl, you have an issue. You might argue that it was the 90’s and that they didn’t start getting good until ten years age, but two words: Jurassic Park.
  17. How do they still have gas and bullets?
  18. STEVE BUSCEMI!
  19. I’ve never seen a net launcher, but I don’t think they work like that.
  20. How does everyone know his name?
  21. Unnecessary love interest.
  22. Steve Buscemi ex machina.
  23. 666 is their password.
  24. Snake is better at basketball than most of the Lakers.
  25. I’ve never been to L.A. or the east coast. Do they experience aftershock this much?
  26. What’s up with this music?
  27. NO SURFING IN ACTION FLICKS!
  28. Shouldn’t he be foaming at the mouth by now?
  29. Jackie Brown!
  30. Who carries red nail polish on them?
  31. Don’t waste your bullets.
  32. When did he get his jacket back?
  33. No red meat! Well, I’m screwed.
  34. Why would you want to shut down the whole planet? That’s a dick move.
  35. Happy Hunger Games!
  36. This is a sequel? Guess I need to do my research prior to watching next time.

 

img_3423

35 thoughts I had while watching The Princess Bride for the first time

Everyone tells me that The Princess Bride is one of those movies you have to watch before you die. I’m not really a fantasy movie fan, but I have been putting it off for too long.

  1. This screams 1987.
  2. Is this based on a book?
  3. Were there pirates in the Renaissance?
  4. Buttercup reminds me of Bella from Twilight for some reason.
  5. Is that Lord Farquaad?
  6. Never trust men you find in the woods.
  7. I guess she had that coming.
  8. So they took her to start a war?
  9. Who fishes at night?
  10. That’s a big eel.
  11. Who climbs a rope like that?
  12. Is it supposed to be a surprise that Westley is the guy in black?
  13. If you’re going to kill someone, kill them.
  14. Why would you use your left hand if you’re right handed?
  15. How would Vizzini know that Westley knocked out Inigo?
  16. Why is she blindfolded?
  17. Are there criminals in Australia?
  18. If I was him I would have put poison in both cups.
  19. Wow, I was right! That never happens.
  20. Did he jump onto that horse?
  21. Why doesn’t Westley tell Buttercup that he’s alive?  
  22. Which set did they reuse? The Bog of Eternal Stench or Dagobah?
  23. Stop, drop, and roll!
  24. His arm healed fast.
  25. That crown seems too large for her head.
  26. Plan a party, murder your wife, and frame someone for a crime. #firstworldproblems
  27. Wouldn’t it be easier to stab him?
  28. Why would Buttercup trust him for a second?
  29. Billy Crystal ex machina?
  30. Worst guards ever.
  31. This better not end like Romeo and Juliet.
  32. How did she not notice that he was on the bed?
  33. Did he kill the six fingered man?
  34. Couldn’t they have just walked down the stairs?
  35. That’s 98 minutes I will never get back.